Lysol New King Of The Hill

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There's a good possibility that I'm extremely odd. But I assure you that I'm no germaphobe. Guys rarely are. Drop a hunk of steak on the bathroom floor, we'll still eat it. Heck, we'll pick our teeth with our fingernails regardless of where those fingers have been recently. Suffice to say that when it comes to germs and me, I'm not a prissy, fussbudget.

            While I may be a slob, I'm not as much of a slob as to hand someone his or her drink while holding the top half of the glass. Isn't that akin to handling the tines of someone's fork, or scooping ice into a glass with your fingers? Yes? Well, it may be happening more than you know.

            I've been doing some hi-tech, undercover work of late that has required me to hang out at two highbrow joints in two different cities on consecutive nights. Tipsy as I may have been at the time I was distressed by the rampant disregard for public's health. Scratching. Picking. Touching. Rubbing. It all gets a little too much to watch.

            Bartenders and servers are in ideal positions to get people sick. It can happen in a split second, or flick of the wrist. These days media is having a field day with stories about bacteria and viruses. The public--your public--is becoming hyper-sensitized to our friend the germ.

            Riddle me this. Could a sanitary gaffe provoke one of your guests to go postal on Timmy the busser? Could a lipstick-stained glass be the last straw that drives someone to madness? Stranger things have happened, my friends.

            If you agree that there's altogether too much potential for violence in our lives, then please join with me in calling for an end to "Publican Slovenliness." Let's not get noisy about the crusade...bad for business. Perhaps a quiet, yet passionate appeal to our fellow trench warriors to accept the following four directives as inviolate (even for the Beverage Goddess and me):

            Glassware -- Never make a drink without first scrutinizing the glass. Is it clean and intact? Also, washing glassware entails more than getting glasses clean, they must be sanitized.

            Ice -- Ice is a food substance and needs to treated as such, which means touching the stuff is strictly verboten. It also means that a scoop handle shouldn't come in contact with the ice.

            Date/Rotate -- Juices, garnishes and drink mixes have shelf lives that should not be exceeded. Perishable items are problematic from a food safety perspective.

            Finger Management -- Always keep your fingers clean. Wash them frequently, far more often than you may deem necessary. If you keep your fingers washed, you'll probably quite accidentally get the entirety of your hands clean.

 

            In a perfect world, the Beverage Goddess would be exempt, but not so.

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