That
is what one impassioned bartender wrote in response to my last blog (July 11,
2006, "False Mixology Prophet Speaks"). In short, it's about an article in a
trade publication in which the author touts two drink recipes dubbed, "The Best
Cosmopolitan Ever" and the "Best Margarita Ever." The drinks recipes are
noteworthy largely because they are the epitome of what couldn't possibly be
the "The Best Cosmopolitan Ever" and the "Best Margarita Ever."
I
detailed exactly where the recipes went seriously awry. These cocktails were
outright chaos. No flavor, balance and bearing little resemblance to their
namesake cocktails.
I
worked the stick for over twenty years. If those cocktails are served to people
actually expecting to sip upon a Cosmopolitan or Margarita, I think it's say to
say that the drinks are going to be returned with the note, "It's not what I
ordered." And of course they'll be right.
There
are drink standards and when violated you'll hear about it loud and clear. It's
like serving a Denver omelette made with trace amounts of diced ham, green
peppers and cheese. That's nothing more than folded scrambled eggs with
parsley. It's not going to taste like a Denver omelette, because that not how
it's made.
Anyway,
the day after the blog was posted, chat room web tenders began lashing out at
me as unjustly harsh. They said the drinks weren't necessarily that bad. While
a few decried the recipes as abominations, the consensus opinion was--poor name
choices aside-- that the drinks were passable, maybe even zippy, peppy or
somewhat snazzy.
At
first I was stunned. I initially thought a blog pointing out the obvious flaws
of two poorly conceived cocktails would be a yawn. I mean, jeez Louise, open
and shut, right?
Then
I realized something important --I no longer think like a bartender. Over the
years I've gravitated over the linesolidly into management territory. So to my
bleary eyes the drinks have the look of inferior merchandise destined for the
drain. But if others want to grant these "-tini" fugitives asylum, who am I to
stop them.
So
please forgive me. You have the right to serve guests cocktails made according
to whatever recipes strike your fancy...only you won't do it at my bar.
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