DON'T "NO PROBLEM" ME

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At the risk of sounding like a surly curmudgeon, I hereby declare war on the phrase "No Problem." It has no place on-premise. Last night, our server refilled my coffee and when I said thanks, she replied "no problem," pirouetted and left. 

            What is the fascination with this horrid phrase? What's the problem, you ask? These two seemingly innocuous words are representative of the pervasive decline in gracious hospitality. I can hear you now shaking your head. Well, perhaps I am losing it, but not on this point.

            The field-tested, time-proven response to a guest who expresses thanks for a hospitable act is a smile, a nod and a "you're welcome." Wait, wait, before you tune me out, consider the inherent differences between "no problem" and "you're welcome" have on the perceived quality of your establishment's level of service.

            First, a "you're welcome" conveys that the individual was pleased to be of service. Addressing the wants and needs of guests is ultimately what the entire hospitality industry is built on. Ah, but what message does the all-too-popular phrase "no problem" convey to guests? The clear inference is that the effort required no effort and "It's a good thing for you buddy, because had it been a problem for me, you may not have gotten that coffee refill." It's a flip, jocular response that goes contrary to hospitable service. It's street lingo that should be left at the service entrance.

            To my way of thinking, I want guests to feel indulged and treated as if their patronage is genuinely appreciated. "You're welcome" is a gracious response, while "no problem" is like waggling one's finger and warning guests to shape up.

            You've all been forewarned. The next bartender or server who says "no problem" to me will lose a fair percentage of their tip and get an ice pick in their temple (yeah, not really). The only time you want to hear the words "no problem" is from your physician in response to the question, "How's my heart?"

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